You Know What Saddens Me Most? Reality.

Time flew. We’ve accomplished so much. I thought we were getting better until I realize that it’s just an illusion. I’m too naive. I believe that people can change over time and happily ever after is real.

As we know, attracted to others is easy. But welcome a new person into our lives is a different matter. I’m the kind of person who will always find a way to find your flaw, make it a no-reason and reject your moves. But if I able to ignore your flaws, I may be fall for you. And when I fall, I fall hard.

Most of the time, I fell too hard I might be buried in the illogical minds for the sake of love. I lived in a huge denial. I created my own world where I consider any unhealthy things in my relationship understandable and forgivable. Things that will never be forgiven by myself. Things that would make me hate my friend if s/he decides to keep the relationship.

I became a pathetic person who kept everything to herself. Cause I know, if I tell anyone, I’ll ruin his name.

I kept telling myself if I can get through this, everything is gonna be better for us. You cannot have a good relationship if you always throw it away when it’s broken. You need to have a big heart, learn to forgive, admit your mistake and learn your lesson in order to fix the relationship and make it stronger.

Until I realize it’s just a bunch of crap on how to hurt yourself for unworthy creature over and over again.

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