You Know What Saddens Me Most? Reality.

Time flew. We’ve accomplished so much. I thought we were getting better, til I realize it’s just an illusion. This time, I’m too naive. I believe that people can change over time. And happily ever after is real.

As we know, attracted to others is an easy thing. But to let our guard down and welcome a new person to our lives is a different matter. I’m the kind of person who will always find a way to find your flaw, thus make it a no-reason and reject your moves. But if I able to ignore your flaws, I may be fall for you. And when I fall, I fall hard.

Most of the time, I fell too hard I might be buried in illogical minds in the name of love. I live in a huge denial. I created my own world where I put any unhealthy thing in my relationship as understandable and forgivable. Things that will never be forgiven by my conscious mind. Things that would make me hate my friend to stay in that kind of relationship.

I became a pathetic person who kept everything to herself. Cause I know, if I tell anyone, I’ll ruin his name. I don’t want others to look down on him.

I kept telling myself, if I can get through this, everything is gonna be better for us. You cannot have a good relationship if you always throw it away when it’s broken. You need to have a big heart, learn to forgive, admit your mistake and learn your lesson in order to fix the relationship and make it stronger.

Til I realize it’s just a bunch of crap on how to hurt yourself for unworthy creature over and over again.

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